We've Moved!

You can now find me at:

layrasparks.wordpress.com

See you there, with lots of new content!

Road Trip to Solvang, CA: Authentic or Hyperreal?

In his article about Solvang, a local man recalls being stopped by a tourist when he was a little child. The tourist was inquiring about the admission fees and closing hours for Solvang. "What did he think this place was, Disneyland?" the author asks outraged, reflecting on the long-standing fear among locals that the town of Solvang, CA is becoming nothing more than a themed attraction. His concern, unfortunately, has some merit to it, as it has indeed become difficult to tell whether the small Californian town is an authentic hub for Danish traditions or a mere tourist attraction that is a copy of a place and era bygone.

Considering the latter option, the Disneyland comparison isn't even that far-fetched. Walking through Solvang is a lot like walking through Main Street, USA: you pass by full-sized buildings that are "absolutely realistic" but created to take people to a "fantastic past." They are simulations of places that once existed but no longer do, blending the concepts between reality and representation so that there are no clear distinctions between the two.

So here's some food for thought: does Solvang provide an authentic Danish experience? Is it a celebration or an exploitation of Danish culture? At the end of the day, does Danish culture become reduced to a simple kitchen magnet? On your drive home, do you feel like you have learnt something about Denmark? And just to make answering those questions easier, I'll add this interesting piece of info for you: in the past, people had suggested to give the town French theme instead, in order to accommodate for all the wineries nearby (are European cultures really that interchangeable?).

These are all big questions, but they're important questions, so make sure to keep them in mind as I narrate my second day trip undertaken this summer -- this time, to Solvang, CA (aka that Danish village that everyone thinks is Dutch -- more food for thought!).

Solvang is about three hours north of LA, so Emily and I left at around 7 am...only to find that all the ramps to the I-10 were closed. It was a Sunday morning, duh. This made our trip there significantly longer but, after a mandatory stop at Denny's, we arrived at the lavender farms outside Solvang by around 11. Except, it turns out, lavenders aren't exactly in season right now, so after taking a couple of photos, we decided to drive into town instead.

I took some really cute photos of Emily but she disagrees with me on that so here's a picture of my with my eyes closed instead. (PC: Emily)

Now, Solvang, as I said before, is very much a made environment, and it's very tourist-oriented. So much that it's mostly just stores, restaurants and wineries. There are some Danish bakeries, a year-round Christmas shop, and a bunch of other stores selling home décor, leather bags, collectible dolls, gingerbread houses and other useless shit. Fitting into the whole simulation theme, there is a store called Edelweiss, which sells miniature versions of pretty much anything under the sun, so if you're ever looking for inch-long plastic hot dogs, you've found your place. Of course, everything is overpriced, but as I like to say, if you have the funds... 💸💸

This was the only half decent photo of me so this is what you get idk. (PC: Emily)

The central part of Solvang is quite small, so after walking around for a bit, taking photos and trying to hunt down cheap water, Emily and I drove down to the beach -- which was, of course, a major mistake. It turns out that even when it's 32°C/90°F inland, the beach is cold and foggy, meaning that I basically spent $10 on parking just so I could sit shivering on a rock for about an hour, holding onto my blanket as if my life depended on it. Needless to say, we did not end up going for a swim (successful beach visits this summer: so far 0/2). 

Actual photo of me at the beach. (PC: Emily)

With that being a failure, we eventually headed back to Solvang to visit the ostrich farm we had originally intended to see. Now, my knowledge of ostriches is extremely limited (until recently, I kept confusing them with flamingos), so this is the best description I can give of them: they are weird and cool. Or maybe they are weirdly cool. Coolly weird? Anyhow, they are tall af and are very aggressive eaters, unlike their emu counterparts, who are significantly shorter and eat less aggressively. I know this because they also have emus at the farm and you can actually feed both for an extra $, which, y'know, is completely and utterly worth it. 10/10 would recommend.

(PC: Emily)

These are ostriches.

This is an emu.

After leaving the ostriches behind (and the emus, don't forget the emus!), we returned to Solvang to find that apart from a few Danish bakeries, there was basically no Danish food there. Or maybe we shouldn't go by Google suggestions, but anyhow, we ended up at an Italian restaurant, eating pizza, and driving home.

And that was that. Did I learn more about Denmark? Probably not. Is this place an exploitation or celebration of Danish culture? A bit of both, I guess. Did I get more out of it than a kitchen magnet? Well, based on this post, I certainly did.

Road Trip to Santa Barbara

There are two things I'll never say no to: waffles and road trips. Okay, we all know that's a lie. There are many things I'll never say no to. Like free airplane tickets. Or a job offer after graduation. But anyway, I digress.

Going on a road trip along the coast of California was one of the things I definitely wanted to do during my time at USC, and since I'm here all summer with more free time than I need, I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to fulfill my dreams (lol). My original idea was to drive up to San Francisco or Big Sur and stop at different locations along the way, but my best friend Emily wasn't crazy about the 5 to 7-hour drive, so we settled on the quaint little town of Santa Barbara instead.

After consulting several reputable travel guides a blog post titled "The Top Instagram Spots in Santa Barbara," we compiled a comprehensive and detailed schedule vague list of things to do in my Notes app and off we went, just like that. That is, after stopping by at Starbucks. It was 6 am, people, I needed to get my white chocolate mocha 💁 (Starbucks count: 1).

We ended up taking the scenic route along the Pacific Coast Highway, which allowed for multiple stops along the coast and plenty of occasions for us to irresponsibly run across the highway to take pictures.

Our next stop was IHOP, which, for some reason, I had previously believed was a gas station. My bad. But yeah, IHOP is the classic road trip breakfast place and since I had never been there before, I was excited. Which is exactly why I was so disappointed to find that they served me fake Nutella. I mean, seriously IHOP, did you really think that I wouldn't notice? 

That Nutella does not look right.

After that letdown, we headed directly to a hiking trail called Lizard's Mouth, named after a rock formation that is shaped like -- wait for it -- a lizard's mouth. Or at least that's what they say, since we notably did not find this aforementioned rock, and settled on seeing, y'know actual lizards. The trail also had rattle snakes and was very unfortunately situated next to a gun club, so, to be completely honest, I just wanted to gtfo asap. It was pretty, though. Also, fun story, the beginning of the trail is marked by a half-buried drainage pipe that we obviously missed and drove onto a dirt road instead that -- as it turns out -- was not open to traffic. Awkward.

(PC: Emily)

Not the lizard, but close enough?

Once that riveting adventure was over, we drove down to State St in Santa Barbara and walked around for a bit. And went to Starbucks (Starbucks count: 2). We also stopped by at Stearns Wharf and strolled the beach for a bit, but just as the Yelp reviews said, there's not much to do at either place, there are just some very expensive restaurants and people fishing. That is why we then headed to a place we knew we would love: the mall. Or, more precisely, Paseo Nuevo, an outdoor mall thing with a bunch of stores and food places.

I didn't know which photo to post so I posted all the good ones okay don't judge me bye. (PC: Emily)

After sharing a somewhat mediocre pizza and taking about 10 million photos on the famous Paseo Nuevo steps, we drove to the Chromatic Gate rainbow arch to take even more photos (surprise surprise), because why not? The arch itself was a little smaller than expected and about six more people arrived at the same time as us, with the exact same goal as us, so we stuck around there for a while, waiting for the crowd to dissolve. It took a while, but hey, it was worth it! I got a new Facebook profile picture out of it! (Note: you don't have to take every shallow thing I say at face value. You know that I'm a big fun of sarcasm.)

Success is when you manage to pull off looking effortless in a photo that took two hours to take. (PC: Emily)

 It was at this point, however, standing underneath this gorgeous rainbow-hued geometric metal rectangle, that we realized something. Since, as it turns out, as pretty as it is, there's not much to actually do in Santa Barbara. Especially when you don't really want to pay for anything and it's too cold to go to for a swim. That is why we ended up driving around for a little bit and ultimately going to Butterfly Beach, where we were supposed to watch the sunset. Except it was only 4 pm, it was way too windy to hang out there for four hours, and I desperately needed to use the restroom (tmi), which is how...we ended up at Coffee Bean, for a change (Starbucks count: 2, Coffee Bean count: 1). There, I had an iced lemon pound cake and made the decision to head back home and stop for dinner in Malibu.

I don't see any butterflies but w/e.

So off we went, once again, stopping along the way to take more photos, and eventually ending up at a fancy restaurant in Malibu that seemed a lot cheaper on Yelp. There, we had dinner, Emily mistook sun-dried tomatoes for shrimp, we kinda celebrated my birthday, and I realized that I had gotten really, really sunburned. But that's never really a surprise.

FOOD.

And that was that.

20 Things...

For the third time around on this blog, time has come for me to simplify my memories into bullet points. Since that is right, kids, what you are reading right now is my annual birthday post, that, for some reason, was kind of a struggle to write this year, and I still hate it a little bit.

But, without launching into a long-winded complaint, here it goes. These are *some of* the 20 things that defined my life at 20:

At 20, I...

1. Was a Resident Assistant for Century Apartments.
2. ...And found it so amazing that I was rehired for another year!
3. Took a charter flight to Dallas. 
4. Learned how to cook pasta (and make grilled sandwiches).
5. Had an article published on me in USC News.
6. Took a trip to the NASA JPL lab.
7. Planned an entire trip to New York City on my own.
8. And then proceeded to go on said NYC trip with my roommate.
9. Marched the Rose Parade and performed in the Rose Bowl.
10. Started going to the gym regularly.
11. Got my navel pierced.
12. Got a paid on-campus job.
13. Got an internship (well technically, I got five, but who's counting?).
14. Made my own short films.
15. Filed my own tax returns.
16. Wrote a full-length spec script for a TV show with my Screenwriting class.
17. Subleased an apartment for the summer.
18. Was an assistant director on two award-winning short films.
19. Learned how to drive a golf cart.
20. Went on a road trip to Santa Barbara.

Note: Like last year, this is an edited list that doesn't *exactly* mirror the one in my diary, so some of these 20 things might feel a little forced/out of place. As always, my private life is private and some things should just stay off the Internet. Period.

So what does it feel like to be 21? Well, after spending three riveting days as a 21-year-old, I can confidently report that it feels just like being 20. Except now I can drink champagne and make my bad decisions completely legally. Not that I've made that many bad decisions over the past few days, of course, except maybe going on California Screamin' two times in a row at California Adventure yesterday. That was stupid. But yeah, 21 is just an age and a number, and all its connotations are social constructs. You don't become an adult overnight, it's a gradual process.

Adulthood is relative and only exists in the context of a society, and we all know I don't give a 💩 about societal expectations. I might be filing tax returns, I might be looking into buying a car (yes, I want a Mini, stop hatin') and I might have a regular laundry schedule (jk I don't), but I still throw bread crumbs at my friends at fancy restaurants and have an undying love for bounce houses. And there's nothing you can do about that.

Yet at the same time, I am 21 now and even though I don't feel it, things are changing. 21 is not that big of a milestone for me -- I turned 18 in Europe, so I've been through the whole "first time being carded" and all that -- but this has been my first birthday that I spent without my family. And this is the first summer that I'm spending without my family, and on my own. So, although my birthday isn't that big of a deal, this entire summer is indeed a transition period for me, and it does mark the beginning of something.

And that's where I'll leave it for now.

Here's a Snapchat screenshot, because I have nothing else to post.

Summer in California | Adulting 101

Also known as the electrifying and impassioned sequel to Winter in California. Just kidding, I hate sequels.

I'm trying this new thing called adding memes to my posts. Thoughts?

But anyway, the summer of 2017 is the summer of adulting. It's the summer of living in a subleased apartment, providing food for myself (and failing so far), doing my own laundry, paying my own bills, depositing my own checks, working a part-time job, having a 10-6 internship, commuting to said internship, and many, many more fun activities. I use fun sarcastically, if you couldn't tell. Because yes, real life is tough.

According to the impeccably accurate Urban Dictionary, "adulting" is a term used exclusively by "immature 20-somethings" who are "proud of themselves for paying a bill" and "adult less than 50% of the time." Not gonna lie, this is accurate. You see, I will be 21 years old in less than two weeks, and I don't feel like an adult. I'm not an adult. I can't cook anything besides pasta and I can't iron my own clothes. I don't even own an iron. I own a steamer, and the last time I used that, I melted my closet door . And yes, I know that is nothing to be proud of.

And you know what else I know? That from now on, this is my reality. My reality is the process of shifting from adulting to becoming, you know, an actual adult. And it's terrifying in every sense of the word. And I would love to stop this process somehow, but I can't. It's normal, everyone goes through it, and since this is just how life is, I might as well go with the flow.

And step number one is recognizing that summer is no longer about freedom. It's no longer about frolicking on the beach without a care in the world and dancing around at music festivals wearing standard white girl flower crowns. I mean, yes, there's time for that, too. But there's also the w-word. No, not waffles. Work. But waffles do sound great right now.

This summer, I've started working. Three days a week, I work a 4-hour phone shift at the University Events front desk. It's not too bad, as I spend most of it reading books on Kindle and writing blog posts such as this one right now. I've also been cart trained, meaning that I get to drive around campus in a golf cart and feel very important. Oh, and did I mention that I get paid for it?

The other two days I spend interning at a small production company in West Hollywood. My commute is about an hour and I take two metro lines and a bus, which is no fun, but at least it makes me nostalgic of the good old days when I used public transportation every day and Uber was just a Twitter app for BlackBerries. Also, I get to work on a fancy production lot in a really nice area, and the company produces exactly the type of content I'm interested in: character-driven independent films.  The job itself, well... It's the typical intern job of book and script coverage, answering phones, and coloring in the scratches on old desks.

But you know, there are two ways to look at everything. Yes, I'm an unpaid intern in a tiny office an hour away from where I live, and yes, my job is boring to say the least. But, at the same time, as I was drinking my coffee at Starbucks before work the other day, I looked out the window and saw the Hollywood sign stretch out in front of me. I saw all the palm trees lining the streets. And as I confidently walked over to the production lot, with my coffee in one hand and laptop in the other, looking just like the professional I am not, I realized something. I've made it. I've made it. I'm working in the film industry. I'm working in Hollywood (OK to be fair, West Hollywood. And half of the Hollywood sign was hidden behind a palm tree, but minor details). I persevered against the odds, I've proven that I could make it, I've accomplished what I wanted, I did it all on my own, and now here I am.

And as shitty as adulting is, it's great.

***

I just thought that would be a prosaic end to the adulting chapter, but if you're curious as to what else I have planned for this summer, here's a brief list:

1) Going on a road trip to Big Sur with my best friend Emily!
2) Going to California Adventure for my 21st birthday!
3) Going to a rooftop/Cinespia film screening!
4) Visiting the ucla (SUCKS) campus, just for fun.
5) Getting a California driving license (I've really been putting this off, haven't I?)

So yeah, it's not a long list, but it is what it is. I'll also be summer RAing for high school kids, which I'm beyond excited for! I already miss being an RA like crazy. Plus, I'll get to live in a dorm for six weeks, which I believe will just be enough to have the dorm experience but also survive without major trauma.

Spring 2017: Breakdown of My Classes at USC

Back at it again with the class schedule, isn't that right? I know, me posting one of these is the only thing consistent about this blog. But according to my blog statistics, class descriptions are some of my most popular posts, so there you have it! So, if you're still interested in what classes I took this spring for my fake film major at USC, keep reading.

When you have that one 50 minute class on a Friday.

CHEM 205 | Chemical Forensics

This was my Physical Sciences GE and the last GE I'll ever take in my life, taken Pass/No Pass. It was a pretty simple yet interesting class, in which we talked about blood forensics, ballistics, fibers, time of death, toxicology and the different types of evidence, amongst other things. There was a lab each week and three midterms, and I did really well on all of them without studying too much, which pretty much proves how easy this class really was. Apparently the professor is one of the toughest ones in the Chemistry department and is known for his impossible tests, but he just asked us stuff like "Do you like turtles?" and curved the class to a B+ so he probably didn't take the whole thing too seriously either.

Grade Received: Pass

CORE 104 | Thematic Option Honors Program | Change and the Future: Church, Sex and State

Let me just put this out there: I loved my professor, and the subject material we covered is so important in today's society. That said, I don't think I learned as much in this class as I could have. We discussed the relationship between marriage and private property, marriage and religion, and non-normative marriage, to name a few things, and watched films such Carol, American Beauty and Brokeback Mountain. I also got to listen to some pretty interesting presentations and write a bunch of controversial papers (always loved those). So no, this was not a bad class at all. But, and I'm sure this is my fault as well for not doing the majority of the readings, although it was fun and easy, I feel like this class had very little substance. It had a lot of potential, don't get me wrong, but I felt like it was a little too broad and informal. Though at this point I'm not sure if it's even the class itself that didn't work, or it's all on me. So I'll keep thinking about that.

Grade Received: A

CTCS 192 | Race, Class and Gender in American Film

This has probably been the best film class I've ever taken at USC. Super short lectures with the Notorious PhD, very interesting readings, great screenings, and a TA who was just cooler and smarter than I or anyone else will ever be. I mean, first of all, she had blue hair. In class, we watched classics like The Godfather Parts I & II (The Godfather III doesn't exist, I hear), Do the Right Thing and Rocky, as well as films such as Boogie Nights (10/10 would recommend), Django Unchained and The Virgin Suicides. We talked a ton about the American Dream and the male gaze and read an article about the Oedipal complex and phallocentrism, so I definitely learned some things in there that I'll never forget. I also wrote a paper on Brooklyn (2015), liminality and the American Dream, so I got to do research on all the things I'm passionate about, which is always a plus.

Grade Received: A

CTPR 290 | Cinematic Communication

I made a bunch of terrible films that no one liked. Okay, that's a lie, my documentary turned out pretty good. I also spent an entire week trying to get location permits to film at a park downtown, which was an absolute disaster and I realized that hate paperwork, so I never want to be a location manager, that's for sure. That film was also supposed to be my masterpiece and my mom spent a fortune shipping me a wedding dress from Europe, I spent forever writing and rewriting and gathering props, and I even cast professional SAG actors in it. Needless to say, it all went wrong, our camera malfunctioned earlier that week, my crew wasn't confirmed until almost the day of, they tried to steal our equipment in Echo Park, and I'm still too embarrassed to show my actors the finished film. It didn't help that my entire class hated it. Apparently the rubber band on the wedding bouquet gave away how the whole thing was fake. Sure. Our last project turned out pretty good, though, so let me know if you want to see it.

ALSO: Please don't share the links to the films. There are copyright and other legal reasons.

Grade Received: A

CTWR 321 | Intro to Hour-Long TV Writing

I was going to say that this was my favorite class of the semester and that loved my professor, but she gave me an A- after promising us that we would all get As, so I'm little conflicted right now. We basically had to watch a lot of TV pilots (Breaking Bad, The Handmaid's Tale, Six Feet Under, Mad Men, UnReal (which I hated), This is Us, to name a few) and then talk about them. Yes, that's right, our homework was literally watching Netflix and Hulu. Our main goal of the semester, though, was to write a spec script (so an original episode for an existing show) for Stranger Things as a class. We each had a writing partner and were given scenes to write and rewrite over the weekend, and then in the end we put it all together into one big script. It was a really fun process and working with a partner is definitely something I'd do again. But then I got an A- so I'm not sure what to think anymore.

Grade Received: A- (sadness, utter disappointment, and feelings of betrayal #drama)

What the future holds: 

CTCS 403 | Studies in National and Regional Media: Refugee and Migrant Cinemas (taking it with the professor I had for 'Shot on Location,' 100% a topic I'm interested in, very excited)

CTCS 473 | Film and Media Theory (a dreaded Critical Studies class, a lot of work apparently, major requirement)

CTWR 415A | Advanced Writing (taking it with my CTWR 321 professor, supposed to be a continuation of Intro to Screenwriting, will probably get an A-)

CTWR 416 | Motion Picture Script Analysis (watching films and analyzing scripts, apparently a lot of fun)

LAW 402 | Psychology and Law (for my Forensics minor, deals with stuff like witness credibility, false confessions and cults, seems interesting yet intimidating)

SOWK 350 | Adolescent Gang Intervention (for Forensics, the only Social Work class for undergrads, apparently a popular class, very hands-on)

Big Girls Do Cry: On Why It's Okay to Be Vulnerable

"What are your strengths and weaknesses?" Standard interview question, isn't it? And sure enough, you can probably gather some strengths, but with the weaknesses, it gets a little more tricky. You have to be careful not to give yourself a backhanded compliment ("I'm such a perfectionist" *giggles*) and point out an actual area of improvement, but you also have to make sure you mention something you can actually improve upon ("I'm late to work every morning, but it's okay, I set a lot of alarms now." Yeah, sure.) So yes, you really need to reflect upon that one, but hey, if you think about it, there's a kind of strength in knowing your weaknesses. And sometimes, you can even turn your weaknesses into strengths. 

Where am I going with all this? Well, I like to think that I know my weaknesses pretty well. I'm a major drama queen. I like to justify it by saying I'm a writer who is all about conflict for storytelling purposes, but that's heaps of crap. I'm also way too impulsive and oversensitive. My freshman year at USC, I tore up my name on my RA's bulletin board, ironically one that was about emotion control, because I felt that I had been put in an uncomfortable situation because of it. Was I overreacting? Most certainly. But I'll also be the first to admit that I spent a great portion of that year crying on my bathroom carpet at 3 AM, partly due to that entire chain of events. Was that overreacting? Maybe. But I couldn't help it, and not for a moment was I proud of it. It wasn't great. It wasn't great at all, which is why last summer, I decided to cut back on the tears.

And this is where it gets important. Here's the deal with crying: it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's an emotional release that stops you from doing potentially worse things, things that I will not get into in this post. But it's not necessarily a good thing either.  My second semester, I'd created this great theory of being a "happy mess," which was complete and utter BS, and was essentially just me forcing myself not to cry instead of, y'know, dealing with the problem at its core. But since I was to be an RA my sophomore year, there was no room for the mess part. I thought about it a lot over the summer, and I figured that as a peer leader, I'd have to be strong, confident, happy and, well, basically have my life together. There was to be no time for tears and emotional breakdowns, which is why my motto soon became "RAs Don't Cry." You know, like Big Girls Don't Cry. "Happiness is a choice" they say, and although I'm pretty sure that is not true at all, I tried to convince myself that it was. All throughout RA training, I would force myself not to cry (except for that one exercise that literally had 200 people crying), and when I did (on move-in day, a situation related to the year before), I hated myself for it. Nevertheless, for a little while, I seemed to be doing okay, with no major emotional outbursts. That is, until that one day in band camp when I decided I couldn't be in Silks any longer.

That's when the façade began to crumble. RAs do cry. RAs are people, and people cry all the time. Being in a leadership position doesn't mean you're no longer a person. Yes, this job requires a great deal of emotional strength, but we are by no means superhuman--and nor should we be. Holding up an illusion of perfection, after all, can be equally destructive. Leaders are role models whom people inadvertently compare themselves to, so yes, we should project a positive image, but pretending to be faultless is simply lying. It's lying that can make people feel inferior or insecure, and lying that prompts people to believe we won't understand their problems and will judge their life choices. Yes, trust me, I've been there, that's how it works. So it's okay for leaders to be vulnerable, as it is for any other person to be vulnerable. 

And you know what, sometimes an RA should be vulnerable, because vulnerability makes us human.

It was a Thursday night in band camp, and I hated every second of it. And I know that you're not supposed to enjoy band camp, but this was different. I felt like an outsider. I felt like I didn't belong, a although feeling that haunts me every second of my life, for reasons we won't get into now, this time it was real. And feeling like I didn't belong terrified me. At the same time, I also felt incredibly guilty for what I saw as abandoning my residents. I felt selfish for doing something for my personal enjoyment when I signed up for a job that was all about being selfless and helping others. So on the Friday before classes started -- two days after my residents moved in and two days before the end of band camp -- I chose to quit marching band. I couldn't be the RA poster child and the Silks poster child at the same time, and couldn't be putting 100% into both things, as I knew that eventually, I would be letting an amazing group of people down. And since there wasn't exactly a choice to make there, I handed in my flag. 

Except, I didn't feel any better. I felt that I had failed, once again, I felt like a quitter for not persevering through band camp, and I was heartbroken over giving up spinning and abandoning the Silks. I felt empty, in a sense. That day, I went back to my apartment, opened my door, put some cupcakes on top of my condom bucket (lol) for my residents, and tried to be the super-RA I had always wanted to be. Except I was still in tears, and when my residents ran into me, a super-RA is probably the last thing they saw me as. And then an odd thing happened. "You know you can always talk to us if you're sad," one of them said. 

Those were my words, and I told him so. Those were my standard, exclusive RA words.

"But you're crying" he said. And then I told him how I quit band so I could be a better RA. I told him that I felt like I wasn't doing enough, and that I was abandoning them by doing something that isn't all that important. And so he responded, "yes, we need you now, because we've just moved in. And yes, we'll need you from time to time, but we won't need you all the time. You clearly love band, and we'd feel bad if you quit for us."

Needless to say, the next day I was back in band. (After a wonderful one-on-one with my section leader who essentially said that I'm letting the Silks down by leaving them. Band, she said, shouldn't be my number one priority, as it isn't hers either, and it should simply be something I do because I enjoy it. As long as I'm there and I do everything to the best of my abilities and circumstances, I'm good.) Most people just saw me quitting the band for 24 hours as one of my drama queen moments, and though it wasn't, I was okay with that. You know, sometimes you just need to distance yourself from something to realize how much it actually matters to you. I also discovered that by opening up to my residents -- and, perhaps, by crying in front of them -- I got a lot closer to them. They saw that I'm not just this idea of a person, that I'm more than my job and my position, and that I'm a person who actually has feelings and things she is passionate about. And I can confidently say that to this day, those two guys who saw my crying in my apartment are some of my residents that I'm closest to.

Of course, by no means am I saying that RAs should make crying in front of their residents a habit, or that we should in any way use our residents as emotional dumpsters. If anything, we're the emotional dumpsters in the RA-resident relationship. What I am saying, however, is that even if you're in a leadership position, it never hurts to show that you're human. We're all more than our position and job title. Just because we choose to pursue a job that is essentially about caring for people and acting as a role model, we don't always have to have everything in line. Plus, that also makes it really easy to burn out.

Personally, I'm terrified of people who appear perfect. They're intimidating, they seem unreal to me, and I for sure would not want to open up to them. I'd feel ashamed and self-conscious that I'm not as great as them, and what's more, I'd feel judged. I'd feel like a failure talking to a living proof of the fact that I'm doing life wrong. And yes, I know that's stupid and that nobody's perfect, Hannah Montana has taught me that, so I shouldn't be intimidated by people who seem to have everything together. But I am, and I know I'm not the only one. On the other hand, vulnerability is often misinterpreted as a weakness, when it really isn't one. I'm much more comfortable being vulnerable with someone who is vulnerable with me. As conflicting as it sounds, it requires courage to be vulnerable, there is strength in being vulnerable. You hear me?

Vulnerability is a strength. And that's all I have to say about that.

My 2016 Favorites

Okay, so I'm aware that this is super anachronistic, but please just learn to deal with it, OK? OK.

October 2016

1) My Choker Necklace

In accordance with choker craze of 2016, I shelled out $25 for this piece of string with a stone attached to it. Was it objectively worth the price? Not sure. Was it subjectively worth the price? You bet it was. I just love this thing. It's pretty subtle so it works with a lot of outfits and with the two other necklaces that I wear 24/7, but since it's handmade, it's not like the other gazillion chokers out there in the world right now. I'm not big on falling for current trends, but if I do succumb to one, rest assured that I will find a way to put my own spin on it.



2) Theme Park by Scott A. Lukas

So this is actually a textbook for my icons class, but I just couldn't put it down, it's so interesting. It narrates the history of the theme park in general, talks about the beginnings of famous theme parks and contrasts them with amusement parks, and also analyzes the architecture and world-building of theme parks, among other things. Definitely worth reading.


3) Green Tea Lemonade

Part of my compensation as an RA is $500 dining dollars. Now, as I'm writing this, it's the 11th week of school, and I've managed to reduce that number to $39. I wonder if my obsession with green tea lemonade has anything to do with it. Like, before I came to USC, I didn't know that combining tea and lemonade was even a thing. And here I am now, getting three of these a day on occasion. Yeah, not sure how to feel about that.

4) The Darjeeling Limited (dir. Wes Anderson)

You know that I love Wes Anderson. You know I do, but usually, I prefer his style over the actual content of his films. The Darjeeling Limited, however, is not like the rest. It's funny and the soundtrack is spot on and I actually care about the characters. I'm telling you, it's one of his most underrated films.


5) Spirits by The Strumbrellas

Okay so I'm cheating a little bit here, because this song was more of an August favorite, but whatever. I still like it. It's special to me as this was the song I listened to on move-in day (aka one of the best days of my life, minus the part I spent crying behind a dumpster, but that's a different story).

6) CTCS 464, aka my Film/TV Genres: Shot on Location class.

This class is amazing. We had to analyze a Coldplay music video for our midterm. We are currently analyzing a The Sopranos episode for our group project. I'm going to be analyzing one of my all-time favorite films, Holy Motors, for my final paper. And on top of that, I'm learning so much about the use of space and locations, and watching amazing films, such as Rome, Open City, Double Indemnity, Safe, The Fall, District 9, She's Gotta Have It, and the aforementioned The Darjeeling Limited. We'll also be watching Avatar, which I'm less than thrilled about, since I took great pride in not having seen it, but I had predicted that this day would come eventually, so I've accepted it with quiet resignation. And, to be honest, my excuse for not having seen it had always been "they'll make me watch it in film school anyway" so there's that.

November 2016

1) Peppermint Mocha

At the risk of sounding basic, this thing is, like, totally amazing. It tastes like mint chocolate and, unlike most sweet Starbucks coffees, actually feels refreshing. And as an extra bonus, it reminds the people of Southern California that it's supposed to be winter right now.



2) X Ambassadors

So I shamelessly admit that I found a good portion of my favorite bands through auto-generated YouTube playlists, and X Ambassadors was no different. However, I fell absolutely in love with them over the past couple of months, and the next thing I knew was that I was performing with lead singer Sam Harris and drummer Adam Levin during our homecoming halftime show. And to prove that it happened, here's a video of it:

3) Thanksgiving Dinner

I hate this picture, but there's Alexis and me with President Nikias. LOL.

So, for some obscure reason, I was selected to sit with USC President Nikias during his annual Thanksgiving dinner, was chosen to be the subject of an article for USC News about said dinner, and was also asked to give an interview to KTLA about it. I'm not sure how all of this came about, but it resulted in a pretty eventful night during which a moderately creepy photographer followed me around and I got a true taste of what it's like to be a celebrity -- something that was definitely aided by the fancy name tag and the red carpet everywhere.
Also, if you're looking for the article, I wasn't too happy with it for a variety of reasons (names were misspelled and assumptions were made based on a clear racial bias), so I'm not going to link it here. If you're really interested, however, a quick Google search will do the job for you.



4) CORE 101, aka my Icons class

I didn't realize how much I actually learned from this class until it was over and I actually had the opportunity to apply all that we talked about. But that's more of a December things, so we're getting ahead of ourselves here. In November, however, I got to write a paper on why V-J Day in Times Square is an iconic photograph (one of my favorite assignments ever) while also learning about a variety of other things, such as how Helvetica was originally an anti-authoritarian font, and how Hello Kitty is actually not a cat, but a British schoolgirl. We also learned about Andy Warhol, which was so useful as I'd always had a love-hate relationship with Pop Art, mostly because I was desperate to love it, but at the same time failed to actually understand it. This class clarified so much and I really appreciated everything I had learned when I was on my trip to New York.

December 2016

1) California Adventure

Another reason that I loved my Icons class is that we took a field trip to Disneyland & California Adventure. Now, I'd been to Disneyland before and although I still enjoy it, I do believe that it gets less exciting with each visit (mostly because they focus on theming and narrative, not on thrill rides -- the things you learn!). California Adventure, on the other hand, was phenomenal. It was my first time there but it definitely won't be the last, because I only got to do four rides, and there are many many more out there. Also, World of Color is the best.



2) Love Don't Go by The Family Crest
(runner-up: People Say by Portugal.The Man)

This song is on the soundtrack of Sugar Mountain, a recently released independent film about two brothers who fake a disappearance on an Alaskan mountain. The film itself is, not gonna lie, pretty meh and structured weirdly, and the only reason I watched it was that the one and only Shane was one of the leads, but this song plays during the opening scene, and it's phenomenal. Portugal.The Man also features on the soundtrack a lot, and you can't really go wrong with that, can you? (Yeah, soundtrack and score are a solid 10/10, the rest...I guess it's worth a watch?)

3) New York City

I mean, do I really need to explain? If you haven't read my blog posts on it yet, you can do so here. I'm so in love with that city that I'm already planning my next visit and haven't stopped wearing my NYU sweater since (which is gross, I know, and I promise you I'm about to change).

4) My Astrobiology Professor

If you ever get the chance to take a class with dr. Ken Nealson, please do it. He is the best. He is one of the best people out there in his field, and he is so funny and engaging and excited about everything. Also, he wrote us a song. He wrote a song about the class and brought his banjo and sang it for us, and even got us donuts and everything. So yeah, if you want to hear the Lowdown and Irritating Melancholy Aggravating Life in the Universe Blues, sign up for CORE 103.

5) Adult Coloring Books

This is an odd one, because I've always hated coloring and I find it really pointless, as Chris from Skins perfectly sums up. However, my friend/fellow RA Trinity held a finals de-stress program with coloring books, and since it seemed like a perfect way to procrastinate, I decided to go for it. Now, it didn't exactly go as planned and it was counterproductive in the sense that I just kept coloring and coloring and I couldn't see the finish line, leaving me even more stressed out. However, if you're coloring just to procrastinate and have 24 hours to write a 20-page take home final, maybe you really should be freaking out. Anyway, I've found that just coloring for a few minutes every day really helps you clear your thoughts and just relax for a little bit.

6) Vlogmas

Not gonna lie, YouTube is my guilty pleasure and I absolutely love watching vlogs and Vlogmas videos. I watch mainly British YouTubers and I feel like I'm living vicariously through them during the month of December, especially since they remind me of the happy times when I lived in England.

Things I've Been Loving in...January

In an attempt to be more consistent with my blog posts, I've started a series that is essentially a blogging classic: Monthly Favorites. I know, I know, what happened to my creativity, right? Well, it's currently being channeled into student films in my production class, if you really want to know, but hey, you can't tell me that these kind of posts are not fun! I mean, you sure can, but then I'll just suggest we agree to disagree.

1) We Are All Stardust by Stefan Klein

This is a collection of interviews by German science journalist Stefan Klein, who asks the world's most influential scientists big questions about the nature of the world and humanity. And no, it is not boring. It makes you think and reconsider what you already know, it makes you challenge your perspectives in a way that some may even deem controversial. You don't have to agree with it, of course. But if it makes you think, that's already an achievement. And don't be deterred by the fact that it's scientists speaking. While this may not be a book you get through in one sitting, it's definitely comprehensible to all.


2) The New York Times: The Year of Conquering Negative Thinking 

"The first step to stopping negative thoughts is a surprising one. Don’t try to stop them. [...] Worry and obsession get worse when you try to control your thoughts. Instead, notice that you are in a negative cycle and own it. [...] By acknowledging your negative cycle and accepting it, you are on your way to taming your negative thoughts."

About a year ago, I wrote an entry in my diary about being "a happy mess." I went on for pages about how I tell myself that I'm happy so I must be happy, only to come to the conclusion that I am "ultimately a very unhappy person." And then, last year, I had a somewhat similar conversation with a former friend about me being too negative, leading up to this post. Eventually, I had to come to the conclusion that trying to convince myself that I'm happy just doesn't work, and BS like "happiness is a choice" is what it is -- BS. What you can really do, however, is acknowledge that you're unhappy, get to the core of the problem, and try making adjustments from there. And none of those adjustments include denying your feelings or thoughts, whether they are negative or positive.

I just really fell in love with this photo.

3) The Rose Bowl

If for some reason you haven't read my phenomenal blog post on the Rose Bowl yet, you can do so here. I promise you, it wasn't as depressing as yesterday's Super Bowl (Truer words than "the Falcons won the popular vote" have never been said.) But yeah, the Rose Bowl, the longest day of my life, the best day in recent USC football history, the best football game I've personally attended, and also the day it became conclusive that I shouldn't be a movie star because cameras hate me. 

4) Baby Carrots

A bowl of lies.

Or baby cut carrots, more like, because what most people tend to think are carrots that owe their miniature size to their youth are in fact full-grown adult carrots that were cut down to look small and cute (#lieslieslies). Of course, there are real baby carrots, but they look like this and I doubt that you are eating them.

So, now that we have all that cleared up, here's the deal: they're healthy, they taste good, and they're ideal for snacking. Honestly, what else could you ask for?



5) Michael Kors Arabella Ankle Boots

You know that feeling when you walk into Macy's for a pair of black jeans and then walk out with the jeans and a pair of $250 boots? Yeah, I don't either, because fortunately there was not enough money on my debit card for that, but I couldn't get these beauties out of my head and spent the next month fantasizing about them and returning to Macy's in New York just to look at them. (no judging plz)


And then a miracle happened and they went on sale and I was on a hunt for ankle boots anyway and since I honestly couldn't get them out of my head, which I take as a sign usually, I went ahead and bought them. Unfortunately it was an online sale and I messed up the sizes a little bit, but you probably know me by now, so I used my special powers to shrink the size of my feet and now they're perfect. Well, maybe not. Point is, I don't know how it happened, but now they fit. Yay. End of story.

See y'all next month.

The Rose Bowl (T-Shirts, More Money)

If you're wondering what the title above means, it's this thing the band says while high-fiving during field practice.
If you're wondering what the Rose Bowl is, it's the bowl game of all bowl games.
And if you're wondering what a bowl game is, well, Google is your friend. (And so am I, of course, so I'm just gonna tell you that it's basically a post-season college football game played by teams who have won at least six games. The bowl game you go to essentially depends on your placement in your conference.)
And if you're wondering why I'm writing this post, it's because USC WENT TO THE ROSE BOWL this year! And we won! And I was there for it!

But yeah, if you hadn't figured it out by now, going to the Rose Bowl is a big, big deal and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for most band members (well, except for dr. Bartner, our band director, who's been 18 times to date). The hype around the game was so huge that even though I wasn't entirely feeling those five days of torture that it was to come with, there is just no way I would have missed it. And, well, I also really needed that Rose Bowl patch for my jock jacket next year.

So if you're interested in what the Rose Bowl was like for band members, continue reading.

December 29

After a blissful week of sitting on my couch and eating corn flakes out of the box (well, excluding the two days I was on RA duty for), my alarm rang at 6:30 AM and it was time for us to begin our "five day season," with nothing other than breakfast burritos and a 9 to 5 field practice. Aka my favorite things in life NOT. But that's okay, it it's all worth it, I told myself, even though I surely did not mean it at the time.

After going over band camp fundamentals and speeding through the first segment of the show during field practice (which literally took us 9 to 5), we got on our buses to the Americana at Brand, which is essentially an outdoor mall that is exactly like The Grove, except it's in Glendale. We did a mini-parade there and performed some rock charts, which you can watch here. 

After the performance, we left for Paramount Studios to see the pre-screening of xXx: The Return of Xander Cage or something equally ludicrous. I spent the entire film trying to decide whether it's meant to be ironic or not, and if you're interested, here's a plot description: basically Vin Diesel wears a big fur coat and says a bunch of improbable shit while doing work for an evil-looking lady who, in the plot twist of the century, actually turns out to be evil. And then things blow up and five minutes before the film is over, Ice Cube arrives to save the day. The end. Three hours of my life wasted.

December 30:

On this wondrous day, I decided to forego the phenomenal breakfast burritos and just chill in my apartment, which was probably why, for once, they decided to make a change and have Chik-fil-A for breakfast. Why you hate me so? On the other hand, it was raining so hard that they had to cancel field practice, and we just had a three-hour sectional instead. It may not sound like it, but trust me, I'd take sectionals over field practice any day. 

The highlight of our day, however, was the trip to Disneyland that followed. The entire band got to do a parade through the park and perform at the train station, and we also got to go behind the scenes of Toontown, which meant that a few of us had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of seeing Goofy change. I know it sounds exciting, but what it was in fact was the very definition of disillusionment.  After finishing the parade and having our childhood ruined, the lovely people at Disney gave us free tickets to the park, meaning that we got to spend the rest of the day walking around the rain, because yes, if I forgot to mention before, it was still raining. Also, just a heads up: Minnie ears and rain don't work well together, and you will end up looking like me in the photo below, and all your friends will Snapchat you.

When it's raining but you gotta wear those Minnie ears.

Squaaad ft. random girl in the back? (PC: Ben Chua)

When you find a decent photo of yourself and can't believe it.

When there's a 5 minute wait for Splash Mountain so they force you to go.

That's that for that. Also, shoutout to the band for giving us $20 to waste on churros. And shoutout to the churro vendor guy who delivered the following line: "I always wanted to be in the USC band but I never quite made it." #sosad

Here are two videos, pick your favorite.

December 31

Also known as the day I spent 50 minutes in line for In-n-Out, in the pouring rain, only to have my burgers completely soaked during my walk back to the bus. But hey, at least I wasn't the one who accidentally sat under a drain during what was probably the worst rainfall I had experienced during my time in California.

Clearly having the time of our lives.

Also, just FYI, if you're thinking of spinning a wet flag in a poncho, don't. In the best case scenario, your flag will get stuck and you will get water all over you. In the worst case scenario, you will rip out your earring and start bleeding everywhere, like I did. And you might not even notice until 30 minutes later when you're already back on your bus and your friend asks you why your ears are covered in blood. Sorry for putting that graphic image in your head.

If you're by any chance interested in this disaster, here it is.

But yes, the 31st was the day of a short field practice,followed by Bandfest, which is basically performing your show for an audience of like 300 people and feeling completely underwhelmed. So it's already miserable to begin with, now imagine topping it off with pouring rain. The only highlight was dr. Bartner's meme-inspiring act of cultural appropriation, which I won't link here because I'm an RA taught to be inclusive and respectful, but if you're interested, you can follow this link. (This is also a prime example of how RA life and band culture aren't exactly compatible.)

After the rainy tragedy that Bandfest was, I retreated to my apartment, took the best shower of my life, and headed over to our wonderful band New Year's Eve party at the Radisson, aka the overpriced hotel across the street from campus. And tbh, I feel like when the band organizes parties, they're expecting people to already show up drunk, because otherwise it's just boring af. And even watching all your friends completely drunk gets boring after a while. The only reason I even stayed until midnight was to get my "special gift," which -- ironically -- turned out to be a champagne glass. I mean, it actually came pretty handy a few days later, but that's not a story that you will ever hear.

January 1

When official call time is 11:15 AM but you're already there at 9 for extra practice so they'll keep you in the pregame show, but then they take you out anyway. Nothing else to say about that. "You're all 100% ready to be in pregame, but some are more ready than others" said our TA. You know, the way all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. 

On another note, this was also the day 24 people squeezed into a four-person apartment in order to make flower crowns for the next day instead of sleeping, because who needs sleep before the day they continuously referred to "the longest day of our lives?"

January 2

It's GAAAAME DAY...I said at 1:30 in the morning when I got up to straighten and then re-curl my hair only to have the whole thing fall flat before the parade even started. But yeah, I'm sure they didn't make up that 3:30 AM call time at the Radisson with the Silks in mind.

Here's a cute pic from Donee's Snapchat bc my phone is perpetually out of storage.

After about 2 hours of breakfast and flower crown pinning and stretching and changing into uniform, we were finally on our buses, on our way to the Rose Parade. Umm...what do I say here? There was a 6 mile parade ahead of us, it was cold af, and I really needed to pee. Yup. But then somehow, miraculously, all of those issues sorted themselves out before the actual parade started, which was -- in all honestly -- a lot of fun! Probably my favorite experience in band so far. And those 7 minutes of spinning Fight On! non-stop really didn't seem so bad. The TV cameras, the people, the flower crowns, the spinning, the smiling, the cheering, and the Pasadena streets all added up into one of the best experiences of my lifetime. Those 5.5 miles did not feel like 5.5 miles, and I was honestly ready to do another parade once we were finished. Well okay, that's might be an exaggeration, but I would much rather have done that than stand at the game for 4 hours.

When they finally give you food.

Version One: The Non-TV Segment

Version Two: The TV Segment, aka 7 Minutes of Non-Stop Fight On

Which brings us to...the game. Oh yeah. That legendary game. Now, I'm sure you've heard what a game it was, and if not, you can always read better summaries online, but since this is my blog and my personal experience, I'm just gonna go with what the game felt like for me: cold. It was fucking freezing and I kept going to the restroom just so I could warm up but there was no hot water. It was miserable. It was already miserable when we were winning, and became even more miserable when we were losing. It was miserable until the very last two minutes, which turned everything around and made it all worth it. 

The Rose Bowl halftime show! Watch on YouTube for a better resolution.

"Hurry up and lose!" is what the band chants when the opponent is obviously losing and there's not much time left, but I found myself silently mouthing it to our own team instead. This was already the longest day of our lives, I was not about to go overtime. And then we had a touchdown. The score became 49-49. The game suddenly became a lot more interesting. I wasn't cold anymore. I had no idea what was going on, but I was certainly not anticipating anything great. I wanted to go home, but I wanted us to win more. We had about a minute left and another touchdown didn't seem likely. I was looking around confused, and it was in that moment of utter confusion that something happened, I wasn't sure what, but people started hugging each other and tears were running down faces, and there was confetti and people were hugging me, and I was just like "what the actual fuck?" The game was over. 52-49. We had won. How? With a field goal the last 5 seconds. It was a miracle. It was so fast that I didn't even see it happen. Or even if I did, I wasn't sure what it meant. But it didn't matter. It happened and we won, we had won the Rose Bowl!!! It was truly unbelievable.

Not every photo needs a caption.

We played Conquest about 30 times and then marched back to our buses. I still couldn't process it at that point. But, as cliche as that sounds (and yes, saying that is also a cliche), I knew that history was made. And I was part of it. And I think that last sentence is dramatic enough to end with.

Also, if you've read this far, here's this special gem for you:

When all the cameras are on you and you're just like 'nah'

PS. Also, if you're interested in an alternative perspective/are more into videos and such, Katherine, a trumpet in the band, posted three vlogs on the Rose Bowl, which you can watch here. She's awesome and she makes me want to start vlogging, but alas, some people are just cooler than me and can do things that I can't.