Followup Post: The World Is Indeed Conspiring Against Me

2150

That is exactly :

• 120 points better on the Math section
• 70 points better on the Writing Section (3 better on the essay!)

and now watch out...

• 0 points better on the Critical Reading section.

Flashcards, you have failed me.

Seriously, right now, I am having a not-so-mini life crisis. I am refreshing College Confidential every two minutes, to get some hope from a random stranger. I have been depressed and unable to do a single thing for two and half days. I EVEN FRICKING MISSED SCHOOL. And I have Subject Tests on the 7th. 

You think I'm exaggerating? You think this is my typical self-deprecating, sarcastic style?

You are mistaken.

Seriously, what the ****  should I even do? All people tell me is: you are not good enough, look at less selective schools.

And this is unfair. And when most people say "It's unfair", they mean "It's not what I want". Yet this is unfair. I am not from the US. I'm from some godforsaken central European country, with no SAT preparation available. I have bought all the books. I have done 25 practice tests. I have...but little does it matter. They evaluate every single person equally, regardless of their circumstances, when it comes to the SATs. I can be the best student in my class, I can have the best stats possible, a 2150 is still a 2150. And I wouldn't mind it if it didn't matter so much, but contrary to what they say...it does.

Sigh.

I'll now go and wallow in self-pity and hatred for the world. I shouldn't even mention how each of my sections were above the 93rd percentile.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Sigh.

I am not even being self-deprecating and sarcastic. Nope. Not at all. Not at all. OK, maybe a tiny bit. But I have to be or else I wouldn't be me.

#Blegh@Lyfe

What a lovely title up there, isn't it? It gives you such an acute insight about what this post will be about, doesn't it? You've guessed it, haven't you?

No? Well, what's the date today? Oh hey, 3rd of May. Why is this day important? Well, because in 1937, Margaret Mitchell won the Pulitzer prize. In 1802, Washington D.C. was incorporated as a city. In 1996 - but I guess you can find all of this yourself on Wikipedia. What I want to write about is the SAT.

That's right. The SAT, which doesn't stand for anything, which makes the lives of high school seniors miserable and which holds the ultimate key to university admission. Or at least they say so.

After more than twenty practice tests, more than 1000 words and two unsuccessful attempts, I took the SAT today for the third time. And, I mean, I was disappointed. I had a 2400 practice test yesterday (that's the maximum points) and today...I thought I did OK, but it was certainly not my best work. This week I made the bold assertion that if I score below 2300, this world is conspiring against me, but now that I'm done, and assessing everything, and looking at certain threads on College Confidential that should not exist, I'm genuinely worried that I'm not good enough.

The SAT has been deemed among others unfair, elitist, and outdated, and I don't know if any of these allegations are fair, but I certainly feel that it doesn't succeed in measuring what it ought to. You see, you can prepare for it. You can. I've prepared my butt off during these two years, and yet I still didn't get the desired score. I got close to it, but it's so dependent on the actual test you take. So while some people might turn up once, look at the paper, scratch their heads and question what the hell they're doing there, and still score a 2130, others might store 31 sweat-drenched, hair dryer-parched practice tests by their bedside, and then score a 2130. And inherently, it's the same result. It ought to be relative. But it's not.

And it's not that those people scoring low are stupid, it's just that they may excel in different areas. Or be used to different types of testing. After three years of essay-based exams full of evaluation and analysis and other complex beauties, having a multiple-choice test put in front of me left me somewhat astounded.

Oh well. Make of it what you will. There is simply a melancholy resignation in acknowledging that you've done your best, and your best is still not good enough.

And I really really wanted to go to USC.

I don't think I want to know how much I spent on these books. Neither does my mom.